Sandwiched Club

This sharing will focus on when my dad’s Dementia got dangerous. It is essential for caregivers and those at the beginning of their Dementia journey to know what happens if they do not keep themselves safe. I will be referring to my dad as Mr Butter and my mum as Mdm Wholemeal. Hope you find this story enlightening. Stay safe, Mrs Bacon

One ordinary evening, while bathing my baby, I received a phone call that changed everything. It was Mdm Wholemeal on the line, and her frantic voice sliced through the normalcy of my day. “He’s in the road!” she screamed, each word landing like a punch. My heart stopped.

Mr. Butter, was wandering down one of the busiest roads in Singapore—during rush hour. The mental picture of him, lost, weaving through the blur of cars, set off a primal alarm inside me. I grabbed my kick scooter and sped down, my baby left in the care of my in-laws, just praying I’d reach him in time.

When I finally arrived, I saw Mdm Wholemeal standing on the edge of the pavement, her voice straining as she shouted from the sidewalk. And there, on the second lane, was Mr. Butter. He looked serene, almost oblivious, like a leaf drifting gently down a stream, unaware of the rapids ahead.

I waded out onto the road and gently reached for him. “Hey Daddy!” I called softly, hiding my fear. He was calm, his expression blank, lost in some other world. I gripped his arm, grounding myself with a deep breath, and led him back to the safety of the pavement. Mdm Wholemeal’s voice rang out, half-scolding, half-hysterical, recounting his resistance, his wandering, his refusals to listen. But he was safe now. That was all that mattered.

We began the long walk back to their home, a silent, journey that took us past places from my childhood. We passed the old stadium where Mr. Butter used to run, the swimming pool where he would pick me up after lessons, the gym where he would lift weights. Each step took us deeper into a shared past, yet it became clear that only Mdm Wholemeal and I were walking in that memory. Mr. Butter’s mind was somewhere else – he had drifted out of our reach.

When we finally reached home, exhausted and aching, Mdm Wholemeal turned to lock the gate. But as she did, I caught a glimpse of Mr. Butter’s face. His eyes were distant, looking past the gate, beyond us, as if he were longing to wander back into that chaotic world where I had found him just hours before.

The Takeaway: None of us anticipated that Dementia could become a life-threatening reality. We had foolishly assumed it would simply feel like old age creeping in. But Dementia can impair a person’s awareness, putting them directly in harm’s way. Getting help—physical support, education, and specialized care—isn’t optional; it’s essential. And I only wish I’d realized it sooner.